


Ghosts

by Skywinder



Series: Tales From the Crypt [2]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Gen, NaNoWriMo, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Regret, Tales From the DeceptiCrypt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 12:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5164394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skywinder/pseuds/Skywinder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's the things that we didn't do or say when we had the chance that haunt us most.  After his Creation's tale, Starscream visits the Decepticon Crypt in an attempt to lay the past to rest.</p><p>Fic for grayseeker's Decepticrypt challenge.</p><p>Secondary project for NaNoWriMo</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [grayseeker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayseeker/gifts).



> Decided to do a small continuation of my story, [Nameless](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5084488). Wasn't going to do anything for the series or challenge before December, when NaNo ended, but this bit me and I decided, why not?
> 
> And I will say write here that any future installments for the Decepticrypt Challenge and the Tales From the Crypt series will not be taking place in the same continuity as Nameless. They will be their own original stories.
> 
> I would suggest listening to this song while reading. While I'm not usually big on Adele, I think the atmosphere of the song captures a lot of what Starscream is feeling during the story.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A

* * *

_I should've told you what you meant to me_  
_'Cause now I pay the price_ \- Katy Perry, _The One that Got Away_

 _This time, This place_  
_Misused, Mistakes_  
_Too long, Too late_  
_Who was I to make you wait_ \- Nickelback, _Far Away_

* * *

_Such a gloomy place_ , Starscream thought as he looked around the crypt. _What was so intriguing about Octane's stories that Skyblaze would come here in spite of being told to not leave the ship?_

A moment later, he gave a low chuckle. Why was he even asking himself that? Blaze had always been such a curious mechling, first as a Sparkling, and continuing that trait into his youngling vorns. He loved exploring. Something he got from both Starscream and his Sire, no doubt.

At that thought, the amusement faded. He did another look around the crypt and after a couple kliks spotted the half-built statue that Skyblaze had said the winged mech had told him about. 

It...had been hard to believe at first. After all, there had been no sign of anyone else there, and Starscream (unlike Octane) usually scoffed at the prospect of ghosts.

But Skyblaze was not prone to lying. He'd always been straight with Starscream, just as Starscream had always tried to be honest with his Creation. And then there was that description...Skyblaze had never seen a holoimage of his Sire, as Starscream had none. The only one he had ever had was an old one of himself and Skyfire at graduation from the Academy, one he'd given to his kin right after the attack on Vos, not wanting to risk losing it during any moving around while in the Decepticons. And of course, since he was considered to be dead, there was no way he could go to Vos to find out if they still had it.

In any case, there was no way that Blaze could have just pulled that description from memory. Which left only one conclusion, one that Starscream was a little unnerved by. But there was no other explanation, as much as he wanted to believe otherwise.

He walked across the dusty floor to the half-built statue. At the pedestal where it stood, he raked his gaze over it for a moment. A pair of legs and a waist, stopping just below where the chest would have been. It was obvious from the shape of the feet that the statue had indeed been meant to be a Seeker. And as Skyblaze had said, there was no designation on it.

Perhaps that was just as well, seeing as his "death" kept his mechling alive. Starscream off-lined his optics for a moment as the memory replayed...

* * *

_"You're what?" Starscream had never seen the shuttle in front of him look so gob-smacked before._

_"You heard me," Starscream whispered, his body shaking from head to foot. "I'm carrying. Hook said I'm carrying." There was fear in his optics as he focused on his friend now lover. "I haven't been feeling too well since...So I went to see him about a joor ago. He did a scan._ Primus _, Skyfire. What are we going to_ do _?"_

_They hadn't meant to interface, just talk. That had been all Starscream had intended when Skyfire had called him about half an orn ago and asked him what was going on as he'd been unable to find the Autobots he knew were stationed on the moons. But when the Valkyrie arrived at the coordinates Starscream gave him, the jet had confessed what he'd done along with what had happened recently. Then he admitted how depressed and empty he'd been feeling from the moment he'd thrown Megatron out of that shuttle. From there, it had progressed, and during the interface, they'd shared Sparks, something that Starscream had never done before. He'd interfaced with a few over the vorns, but not in a very long time, and he'd never trusted anyone enough to bare his Spark to them before. It was just too risky among the Decepticons._

_Afterwards, they'd held each other for a short while before Starscream had had to go back. They hadn't interfaced again in their few meetings since. And now..._

_They could perhaps hide occasional meetings to talk, but a Sparkling couldn't be hidden. He leaned his head and arms against Skyfire, off-lining his optics. "What are we going to do?" he repeated desperately, still whispering._

_He barely felt Skyfire reach out and rub at his arms, murmuring something about it being okay, and that they'd figure something out. All he was aware of was the fear..._

* * *

Starscream on-lined his optics to half power as he replayed the memory. Feeling a chill, he crossed his arms and began rubbing at them. 

_I never asked him what he thought of the situation or if he even_ wanted _the Sparkling_ , the tri-color thought ruefully. Granted, there hadn't been enough time, but still...He should have said _something_. Instead, he'd just leaned against Skyfire like a terrified Sparkling himself.

The jet would be honest. Having a Sparkling was something he had never given much thought to or even planned on. He could remember a time before he became a scientist when he'd watched some family units interact and found himself idly wondering what it would be like to have a bondmate and family of his own. Then he'd gone to Crystal City, and eventually the Decepticons, and for the most part forgot about it. His ambition had become far more important to him than anything else, and with Skyfire gone, it wasn't like it had mattered, anyway.

And then, right as the war had reached its turning point, Starscream found himself carrying and he hadn't known what to do about it. In fact, he'd been scared out of his processor. He knew well what the consequences would be if he was caught just _talking_ to an Autobot, even if said Autobot wasn't really in their ranks anymore. It wouldn't matter the reason. Interfacing with one, especially one who'd been a defector from the Decepticons, would lead to a much more torturous death. He'd witnessed such a scene once.

But in that moment, focusing only on his own terror, he'd never asked Skyfire how he felt about the whole unexpected situation. Octane believed Skyfire had wanted the Sparkling, saying so shortly after Blaze's birth, when Starscream had finally confided what had happened that orn.

 _"Mech wouldn't have put himself in harm's way like that if he didn't want the kid,"_ he'd said flat out. _"He had to know what would happen to him when he shoved you in there, and he did it anyway."_

And then more recently, the Seeker thought sadly, there were Skyblaze's own words.

_"He just seemed so sad when he looked at me, Carrier."_

Perhaps...Perhaps Skyfire really _had_ wanted the Sparkling, but there would never be a way to ever know for sure. He gave a soft, bitter laugh.

"I should have asked you," he whispered to the unfinished statue, optics still dim. "It didn't matter that there wasn't enough time. I still should have at least _tried_ to find out what you wanted, slaggit!"

Though to be fair, he probably would have if it hadn't been for what happened a few kliks following his revelation...

* * *

_Silence fell after a klik or two. Skyfire was no longer murmuring reassurances, but hadn't yet stopped rubbing his hands up and down Starscream's arms in a soothing motion. Finally, he broke the silence. "Are you okay now, Starscream?"_

_The Seeker just gave a soft, half-hysterical laugh. "No, no I'm not, Skyfire." He looked up at the Valkyrie's face. "This can't be hidden. There'll be too many questions." He shuddered and looked down again. "It's well-known I'm not interfacing with anyone. Haven't in_ vorns _. Even if Hook doesn't say anything, a growing Sparkling can't be hidden easily. And the war is still going on, even with both leaders dead..." His voice trailed off, and he lifted his head so that he was looking at the shuttle's chest. "What are we going to do?" he asked yet again._

_Skyfire frowned, but before he could reply, the sound of anti-gravs filled the air, followed by a crunch of metal as the unknown being landed nearby. The two of them froze._

_"Well, well. What have we here?" came a strangely familiar voice._

_Both mechs turned their heads to see a heavily built purple mech standing in front of them, yellow cannon on his arm pointed right at them. His helmet was oddly shaped, appearing to have three horns on it, one at the front and two at the sides. And his face seemed as familiar as his voice..._

_Before he could ask the mech who he was, the stranger smirked, saying coldly, "Well, this was easier than I expected." Without another word, he moved into a transformation sequence._

_Starscream just stood frozen, unable to remove his optics from that cannon. Thus, he was startled when he found himself swung quickly around so his feet were on the edge of the chasm he and Skyfire had been standing next to._

_Before he could ask Skyfire what he was doing, the other mech whispered, "Stay safe. Both of you."_

_Then he pushed him in...._

* * *

Starscream off-lined his optics once more as he remembered falling into those depths, remembered seeing that blast rip through Skyfire's chest, remembered seeing him turn gray and crumble...He still didn't know how he managed to keep from screaming at the sight. The medic who treated him afterwards had said it had likely been his protective instincts kicking in and keeping him silent for the Sparkling's sake. It was likely, Starscream conceded. Because he truly had wanted to cry out, had wanted to die in that moment, too.

The moment he'd finally remembered what he'd allowed himself to forget so long ago.

A soft, pained laugh escaped him.

Starscream remembered the first time he'd met Skyfire. The shuttle had come to his aid when some other shuttles had started bullying him, telling him that shuttles should be the only fliers at the Academy. He hadn't been overly grateful at the time, yelling at the other mech that he could take care of himself. The only thing the other mech had done in response was chuckle, shake his head, and introduce himself. Starscream had just stalked off in a huff.

When the Academy directors had gotten wind of what had happened, they'd assigned Skyfire to him as a dorm mate. They'd been well-aware that a Seeker leaving isolated Vos was no small thing, and knew that there might be a potential for other students one day from that city-state as long as the Seeker already attending took back a good report of his treatment there. So they'd bent over backwards at the time. 

He hadn't been overly friendly to Skyfire at first, ignoring him whenever the other mech tried to talk to him, refusing all offers of joining him and some of the other students for gatherings and usually going himself after Skyfire had left, creating petty little "accidents" to disrupt the shuttle's day... He did everything he could to rub his irritation over the whole situation in Skyfire's face, even deep down knowing it wasn't his fault the directors had done this.

And Skyfire knew it, too. Eventually, he'd had enough of Starscream's behavior and let him have it. 

_He yelled at me for about three joors_ , thought Starscream ruefully, with a shake of his head. After that, things had settled down, and eventually, gradually, the hard feelings faded and the two became friends. Upon their graduation about fifty vorns later, Starscream had actually intended to return to Vos and establish himself as a scientist there. But Skyfire had had other ideas and made a formal request to have Starscream assigned to him as his partner, something that had startled the Seeker, since while it was suggested that the scientists at the Academy take partners in case an accident happened to one of them while working on a project, shuttles were usually excused due to their thicker armor. After thinking about it for an orn or two, Starscream had accepted. He'd never known why Skyfire had chosen him, knowing he planned to leave, and he'd never been able to bring himself to ask.

Over time, Starscream found himself more and more enjoying being in the Valkyrie's company. Even when in a group of mutual friends, he stayed close to the other mech. He wasn't sure when his feelings had changed, become deeper, but eventually, he realized they had. The jet had thought seriously about admitting it to Skyfire, and started dropping hints to, as the humans once said, test the waters; see if it was possible his feelings would be reciprocated if he confessed.

But Skyfire seemed nonresponsive to said hints, and eventually Starscream once more decided to leave it be, trying to content himself with just being in Skyfire's company and proving himself to the scientific community in the hopes of rising to the Academic Council one orn. Skyfire had often shaken his head at that, but at the same time seemed amused by Starscream's ambition.

The crash changed everything. After that, Starscream had left the Academy and returned to Vos. Science, while he still loved it, no longer really had the same appeal once Skyfire was gone. When he'd heard of the gladiator leading a rebellion, he'd decided to join. Science was no longer that enjoyable to him, so he might as well be a soldier as his frametype dictated should be the case.

With the beginning of the war, Starscream lost himself. He tore through battlefields and the ranks with the same single-mindedness that had helped him become a scientist. Over time, he became more ruthless, more vicious, and his seemingly harmless ambition became a monster that he let take over. He _would_ reach the top, no matter what it took! He wouldn't let _anything_ stand in his way! He'd made a number of enemies along the way, but it hadn't mattered to him, as long as he got what he wanted. Eventually, too, he'd forgotten Skyfire. Not the mech himself, but more how he'd felt about him. Other things had just seemed too important.

After the war moved to Earth, things fell apart, he could admit that now. Perhaps it was Skyfire's disappointment and anger towards him after he revived that had caused him to lose it, Starscream wasn't sure, but all he knew was how badly it had hurt to have his old friend attack him like he had. His plots and plans against Megatron hinged on lunacy, he knew that now, but it certainly hadn't mattered back then. He took out his frustrations on Skyfire whenever they met. But somewhere along the way, both of them got tired of the fighting. Even now, Starscream wasn't sure what the turning point had been. They once more reconciled, and their changed friendship became something that brought them a strange sort of peace amid the Pit their lives had become.

Then had come that fateful orn that they'd lain together for what turned out to be both the first and last time. Starscream off-lined his optics and gave a soft keen at the memory. Primus, he could remember even now how safe Skyfire had made him feel, how gently he'd treated him. It was as though they'd never been at odds with each other or had never lost all that time. It had been then that Starscream had felt something reawaken inside of him, though he hadn't been able to identify the feeling at that point. And afterwards, when he and Skyfire had held each other, he hadn't wanted to leave the warmth. Unfortunately, that comm. call from Acid Storm reminded him of their reality and he'd had to return to base.

It wasn't until the mech he later came to know was called Galvatron had caught them and killed Skyfire that he'd finally realized what he felt all over again.

And by that point, it was too late.

Starscream on-lined his optics and bowed his head, letting his arms fall to his side.

"So many things I wanted to ask you, wanted to say, yet I never did," he whispered. Without lifting his head, he continued. "I should have. I should have told you that I loved you when I had the chance at the Academy so long ago. Even if you didn't return the feelings, at least I would have _known_ instead of assuming that I didn't have a chance. I should have asked you why you wanted me for a partner, if that meant you might just feel something. But I didn't."

He lifted his head now. "I should have asked you to take me away from there the day we created Skyblaze...Should have asked you what you thought of the Sparkling when I _did_ find out instead of acting like a fool. Octane thought you wanted him, or you wouldn't have acted as you did. Or said what you did just before..."

Starscream shook his head. "You have no idea how often I wished I died in your place. During the time I carried Skyblaze, I was out of it so often, just replaying what had happened to you. Only feeling our Creation's presence in my Spark kept me from joining you. I toyed with the idea of ending my life after our Creation was born, feeling it would be justice for all I'd done; not just to you, but to so many others." A sad, soft smile. "Then I saw our son's face when he was born. Primus, Skyfire, he looks so much like you it hurts sometimes. He also has our combined curiosity, the desire to know along with your love of all life. Unfortunately," the smile became rueful, "he also seems to have picked up my impulsive nature and temper. I think Primus is punishing me somehow by giving him that...But the moment I saw him, I felt as though you were right there with me. He smiled at me, and I could see you. He just curled up against me, and I could feel him in my Spark. It felt so right, and I felt so guilty that I'd even considered suiciding. I swore at that moment I'd do whatever I had to to be a better person for his sake. And I have done my best to keep that promise."

He reached out and touched the incomplete statue. "I called him after you. He looked so much like you I felt it was fitting that I give him a variation of your designation. Not to mention I felt you should be honored for keeping him alive. It was only right."

Starscream lowered his hand. "It seems strange saying all this to you now that you're dead, and for all I know you can't hear me, but...Blaze said you're here. He's never seen an image of you, since I no longer have that one holo, so I know he's not making that description up. Why you vanished before I got there, I don't know, but I couldn't blame you if you didn't want me to see you. I treated you horribly, and perhaps it's only right you stay away from me now, no matter if we made our peace before the end."

He stepped back from the statue now. "I love you, Skyfire, and I am so, so sorry for everything. I've had so much time to think since that orn and," he gazed around the room, pausing briefly at two other statues that stood side by side, "I wish I could have done so many things differently. But I can't take my actions back, no matter how badly I wish I could. I don't even have the right to ask for your forgiveness, I know that, too. I can only hope you at least heard me, and know that I really did and do love you, in spite of everything."

He checked his internal chronometer and sighed. It was almost time to go, but there were a few more things that needed to be said.

"The Autobots, from what I've been told, think you dead, but believe you died in the battle against Unicron. I wanted to go and tell them the truth, but was stopped by Acid Storm and Astrotrain. Both reminded me that I'm considered dead also due to Galvatron's public announcement, and that I would likely be put to death for certain if the Autobots got their hands on me, which wouldn't be fair to Skyblaze. I hate the fact they can't know the truth behind your death, but until Skyblaze grows up, there's nothing to be done about it. I will find a way to let them know, Skyfire. I promise."

Starscream reached into his subspace and pulled out a rainbow-colored crystal which he set on the pedestal in front of the feet. "Here. I think you could use something new to look at, since I don't know when I'll be able to come back. Besides," his voice lowered now as he glanced at the blank metal, "no one should be forgotten."

Without another word, he turned and began to walk out of the crypt, pausing only for a moment to look back at the statue one last time. "Love you, Skyfire. Take care." He turned away to leave...

_"Stay safe, Starscream. Love you, too."_

Starscream's optics widened and he whirled around, the breeze stirring up the dust of the tomb.

Nothing was to be seen but the statues and a cloud of dust, though for the briefest of moments, Starscream thought he saw a familiar outline as said dust floated back to the ground.

"Heh," he said after a moment, and a sad expression appeared in his optics. With a nod, he turned and left the crypt.

_Goodbye, Skyfire._

* * *

Skyfire watched Starscream go, the sad expression that Starscream's optics held mirrored in his own.

He hadn't expected Starscream to return after that visit from Skyblaze. Given Galvatron's pronouncement of Starscream's death, along with that condemnation of him as a traitor, he'd suspected the Seeker hadn't been able to return, at least not openly, or he would have heard the news. Even in the outskirts of Kaon, such an event as the arrest of the former Decepticon SIC would be a highly publicized affair.

But he'd risked his own safety to not only go searching for their Creation, but to come back and pay his own visit later. It said a lot as far as Skyfire was concerned, as much as that confession of his did.

In fact, his old friend's words had shaken him for very similar reasons. He'd also fallen in love with his friend during their partnership, but had never had the courage himself to tell the truth before his accident. When he'd seen how much Starscream had changed, it had hurt and he'd lashed out. Even after they reconciled, he'd never been able to bring himself to say anything.

But the way Starscream had responded to him that orn...He'd allowed himself to believe there was a possibility that his feelings could be reciprocated, given time.

Time they'd ended up not having, thanks to Galvatron.

His hands clenched into fists.

He knew more now about what had happened, but again, it was very cold comfort.

Skyfire bowed his head and turned away from the door. As he did so, his gaze fell upon the rainbow crystal his lover had left behind.

After a moment, he smiled, then walked silently into the depths of the crypt once more.

_Goodbye, Starscream._


End file.
